Nicci Arsenault

▶0:00IntroWelcome to the Built by People podcast, where we share the stories and insights of the world's top HR leaders. Join us as we dive deep into the minds of HR executives, uncovering their strategies, challenges, and triumphs in shaping today's workforce.

▶0:38HostI'm excited to welcome Nicki to the Built by People podcast. Nicki, thank you so much for joining us today. And as a starting question, I always love to ask if you could share a little bit more about your career journey.

▶0:48GuestYes, thanks for having me. I'm so excited to discuss all of this today. I always like to tell people that I had no intention of starting in HR, but I started more in the online sales and operations space at early Facebook as one of the first 800 employees there. At that point in time, you do whatever is asked of you. I jumped in, I was helping scale teams, opening offices, building onboarding, interviewing hundreds of people. Over time, I really found myself drawn to solving the people side of scaling and growth, how to build equitable systems, develop leaders, and design cultures. So I stayed there for a while, went through the IPO, and then after that process, took time away to think about what do I really love doing? And that's when I realized, oh, all the things I love doing, that's actually HR. That led me into my first formal role and joining GitHub in 2013 and helping to build out the HR function there and staying for a long time doing business partnerships, org design, operations, all the things that fall under that scope and staying through the Microsoft acquisition. Since then, I've had the opportunity to always join scrappy startups, go through the scaling and operating time period, and serve as chief people officer through a handful of Web3 and now currently AI startup space. I really like to point out to listeners that my path into HR leadership was non-linear, but I think that's exactly what makes it interesting and what makes me so good in the startup space.

▶2:12HostNikki, can you share a specific challenging conversation you've had in navigating your career and how you prepared for it?

▶2:19GuestYeah, absolutely. So, as I'm sure many can relate, have had tons of those. The ones that come to mind and really stick out as the toughest and most challenging are always with peers or senior leaders, right? So, one of the toughest that stands out is when I had to close out an investigation that involved one of my own leaders, so someone I reported directly into. Not only did I have to deliver the outcome that was a bit sensitive to this person, But I also had to give them very direct, constructive feedback about how their leadership style was impacting the larger organization. So when I'm in a situation like this, to prepare, I really want to sketch out my key points in advance, and then I want to run through them with someone that's a trusted partner. So in this case, I would reach out to someone like employment counsel. So not only do I trust them on a personal level, but importantly, in their role, they have to maintain that confidentiality. So I want to focus on a handful of things in these conversations. I want to keep it simple, right? So I want to be clear, but not overwhelming. I want to make it actionable, and then I want to rehearse it. In the end, the conversation was still uncomfortable, but going into it, I know it's going to come out and we're going to get to a much better working dynamic. And that experience taught me preparation and intention when the stakes are high are going to be really important.

▶3:43HostWhat framework or approach do you use when structuring difficult conversations that has proven to be effective in your experience?

▶3:51GuestSo, I know everybody has their favorite, and they're all a bit similar with a different take on it, but I use something I call the CAR framework that's easy for me to remember. So, for me, that means the C stands for clarity. That means be direct, say what needs to be said without softening the message so much that it becomes unclear. A in this situation stands for accountability. Own your role, name the impact, and be specific about what needs to change. And then the R here is respect. Treat the other person with humanity. Being kind doesn't mean avoiding the truth. In fact, I think being kind means saying the truth and delivering to them the way that you would want the message delivered. One personal rule I have when I deliver feedback is I never apologize for giving that feedback. I think an apology can really imply that you're doing something wrong when in reality we're helping the other person grow. And again, practice makes better. So if it's a really big conversation, especially if there's power dynamics or stakes are especially high, I wanna make sure I'm setting myself up to feel grounded. I might wake up extra early, get in a workout, meditate, have coffee alone, whatever needs to be done so that I show up with that right energy and presence to hopefully share that energy and presence with the other person.

▶5:08HostNikki, how have you developed your expertise in managing difficult conversations, and what was the turning point that made you realize its importance in leadership?

▶5:19GuestYeah, I think this is a really good question. On a personal note, I joke because 6 months into dating my now husband, I asked him for feedback about our relationship. So I think I'm a bit hardwired for this. The real turning point, at least professionally, I think that was about a year into GitHub. We were scaling really quickly. I found myself supporting leaders at all levels, so everything from frontline managers, employees of every level, all the way up to executives. I had trained managers before at Facebook, but at GitHub, it really showed me how much trust and momentum could be built when your leaders felt prepared for their own difficult conversations, so not necessarily just me having them directly anymore with employees, but empowering and training my leaders to then go and have them so that it really became a force multiplier throughout the organization. But having those quick hires, quick exits, figuring out how we could uplevel our high performers. But I saw how even one poor fit in these smaller organizations, right, it just drags down the whole team. And you maybe in larger organizations, you could potentially get away with some of that a little longer, but we couldn't have that in smaller startups. So, I think one really critical thing too is that in these deeply technical organizations, these types of skills aren't just helpful, but they're differentiators. So, that's when I knew this was a core leadership skill, not just a nice-to-have.

▶6:47HostCould you walk us through a case where a difficult conversation completely transformed a situation or relationship and what techniques made the difference? Yes,

▶6:59GuestI actually had a recent conversation where my direct report left and said thank you after I gave the feedback, which I really wasn't expecting. They let me know they'd never received real, timely, honest feedback before, and this is someone who had transitioned from a more rigid, traditional industrial setting where feedback was infrequent and more formal. So in our case, I was hearing from other teammates that this person was coming across anxious, unsure, a bit of imposter syndrome on the job. And so the way I would approach this conversation, give a couple clear examples like we talked about earlier about giving the feedback, ask some questions. What this does is really transition the conversation into more of a partnership with that person so we can align on how to improve this. What are the actions we can take going forward? I really was not expecting a thank you, but I think that really underscores how how rare and valuable that real-time respectful feedback can be, and it can be these small bite-sized periods, right? So when it's done with care and clarity, we walked away with a clear plan and a stronger working relationship.

▶8:06HostNikki, what parting advice would you like to share with our community?

▶8:10GuestI honestly, I would say people might forget the details, but they'll remember if you were honest, if you listened, and if they felt respected. Hard talks, yield high returns. So if it feels uncomfortable, you're probably on the right track, and that's where the growth is going to happen.

▶8:26HostNikki, thanks so much for joining us today on the Built by People podcast. It was a pleasure to have you involved. Thank you.